Misadventures in Dating
by ididthatonce
Summary: My names is Mercedes Jones, and these are my misadventures in dating.  Being single sucks, but sometimes it beats the alternative.
1. Introduction

I never wanted to be a princess. When the other girls in my grade were playing dress-up in tutus and tiaras, I was trying on my Grandma's church hats and singing into a hairbrush. I wanted to be Aretha Franklin or Patti Labelle, not Snow White. So, needless to say, the idea of a prince coming to "save" me was absurd at best.

It didn't help that I wasn't ever one of the "pretty" girls in my class. I was big, bold, and Black... not exactly crush fodder for 13-year-old boys raised on MTV. But it never really bothered me. I didn't need a boyfriend, I was going to be a singer. Sure, sometimes I'd hear "Natural Woman" on the radio and wish I could know what that felt like, but it wasn't ever Item One on my to-do list.

Then high school happened. My best friends were all suddenly in couples. I was the third wheel, the fifth wheel, even the eleventh wheel on occasion. I got jealous, watching friends kiss in the movie theater or hold hands in between classes. Eventually, I gave in, and decided it was time to dip my toes into the dating pool.

My name is Mercedes Jones, and these are my Misadventures in Dating.


	2. James

I met James through a mutual friend, my cousin Thea. She said that he was, "cute, funny, and smart." He was two of the three. James was, as I like to say, a few fries short of a Happy Meal. He was smart enough to do well in school, sure, but he was always a step behind in social situations.

He picked me up at 7 PM on a Friday night. It was cold out, and I was wearing a heavy coat. His car was warm, and he was cuter than I had imagined he would be. We laughed and sang along to the radio. He complimented my voice. Once we arrived at the restaurant, he was a total gentleman. He opened doors for me, took my coat off before we sat down, and even pulled out my chair for me. I was thrilled to have such a cute, kind man around, to say the least. But, as soon as he opened his mouth, everything changed. He asked me what grade I was in in school as a conversation opener.

"I'm a Junior." I told him.

"I loved 10th grade!" He smiled. I would have corrected him, but his smile was so perfect, I let it slide. "You're in 12th grade, right?" I continued.

"Yep. Senioritis is totally kicking my ass, if you must know." We laughed together.

The waitress came and took our orders. We kept laughing, trading backhanded compliments. I taught him how to do the "three snaps in a Z-formation" over our spaghetti and meatballs. When the time came to pick up the check, he refused to let me pay, or even cover the tip.

"Tip is 10 percent, right?" He asked, embarrassed.

"I'd give 20." I responded.

"20 dollars? The whole meal was only $30..."

"No no no, 20 percent."

"How do you figure that out?"

I sighed. His perfect smile was only going to get him so far with me, but I guessed that this would be one of those battles I had to lose to get to see it more. "Move the decimal place over one, then double that amount."

"The what?"

"The decimal place. The point? The period? The dot?"

"Oh, you mean the polka dot!"

"You call it a polka dot?"

"Doesn't everyone?"

I kept silent, pretending I didn't hear the words coming out of his mouth. He was more than happy to play along, and just threw a few dollars on the table. He helped me put on my coat and drove me home.

The next week, my parents were out of town, and James came over to watch a movie. Dad would never have let me have a boy over normally, but I figured that what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him. James and I searched through the kitchen to find a few snacks, and I stumbled upon a bag of popcorn. I threw it in the microwave, and hit a six and a zero.

"You can't do that." James told me, "You need to put it in for a minute."

"That's exactly what I did," I replied, confused.

"No, you need to hit one, zero, zero. That's a minute."

"Sixty seconds is also a minute."

"No it's not."

I wasn't in the mood to argue, so I mumbled something about googling it, and left it at that. After the longest sixty seconds (which, by the way, is a minute) of my life, the popcorn was ready. We snuggled in on the couch, and the movie started.

Maybe fifteen minutes into the movie, we were kissing. Things moved along, and the next thing I knew, I was on top of him, taking my shirt off. Normally I wouldn't got that far on the second date, but he was just so cute, and I was willing to do anything to shut him up for a few minutes.

"Can you unhook your bra for me?" He whispered.

"I want you to do it," I moaned into his ear.

He was silent for a minute, and all I could hear was the sound of his breathing. "I can't." He finally shared.

I got up off the couch and stood in front of him, hands on my hips. "What do you mean you can't?"

"I don't know how." He shrugged.

I glared at him. "Out." I stated, pointing at the door.

He stared at me for a minute, then gathered his things and left.

I never told Thea the real reason that James and I broke up. I guess she knew, since they wound up dating and later breaking up. Regardless, I made a pledge right there in my living room, as I was putting my shirt back on, that, no matter how cute, I would never date a dumb boy again. And, to my merit, I never have.


	3. Thomas

Thomas and I met at a Starbuck's around the corner from school. I was getting my Friday morning cappuccino, he was cramming before a final at Ohio State. He spotted me out of the corner of his eye, and, before I could even order my drink, he had offered to buy it in exchange for my phone number. Of course I agreed- it was a free drink and he was a sexy, more mature college boy.

A perfect three days later, I got his call. We talked for a bit, found out about each other, the usual. He asked me out for the following weekend, and of course I accepted. We planned to meet up at that same Starbuck's where we had met for a few cups of coffee. I walked into the store that day, and saw him curled up on a blue, velvet-y chair with his laptop. He was even cuter than I remembered. I ordered my drink and plopped down next to him.

"Hey." He smiled, closing his laptop. "You're looking absolutely stunning today."

"Thanks." I giggled nervously. We shot the breeze for a bit, sharing laughs. After I had drained my cappuccino, we took a walk to the nearest park. It was unseasonably warm out, and I had no jacket on. We held hands for a bit, strolling around the sidewalk.

"You know, you're very pretty." He mentioned, mid-conversation. I blushed and thanked him. "No, really. You're so pretty."

I giggled nervously and held his hand tighter as he walked me back to my car.

The next weekend, he asked me out again. I had, unfortunately, already agreed to go bowling with Kurt, Tina, and Rachel. With a quick text, Kurt agreed to let me bring Thomas along, and the plan was set. Kurt rushed over to help me pick out the perfect outfit. I wanted to look sexy but sporty, feminine but strong. I must have tried on every jeans-tee-sweater combination in my closet before we decided on a tiny denim miniskirt over leggings and three-quarter length baseball shirt. Just as he was helping me put the finishing touches on my hair and makeup, I heard Thomas' car honk outside. Kurt and I squealed in unison. I told him to wait for until Thomas and I had left before he drove off to join us. Although I knew that Thomas had nothing to be jealous about when it came to Kurt and my friendship, I didn't want to risk envy that early on in the relationship.

He pulled me in for a soft kiss as soon as I got into the passenger's seat of his Jeep. His lips were soft and tasted like honey. "Hey sexy." He muttered under his breath. I tried to say "thank you," but the words got stuck somewhere between my brain and my mouth. By the time we reached the bowling alley, my lips felt like they had been stung by bees from all the kissing we had done at red lights. Tina and Rachel were trying on bowling shoes, modeling them as though they were Louboutins. Thomas paid for his and my shoes as the two girls and I claimed an alley.

"So what do you think?" I asked, pointing my thumb at my dark-haired man-of-the-hour. Thomas turned his face towards us and waved.

"So cute." Tina sighed. "Jealous of your luck with men."

I laughed. "Of course you are, Miss I'm-Dating-the-Hottest-Guy-in-the-School."

Tina rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Mike's just Mike."

"Um, ladies, I think we're forgetting who's dating the hottest guy in the school," Rachel giggled, pointing to her chest.

"Oh hush, Rach." Kurt laughed, joining the group. "Take it from someone who would know, Mercedes' boy toy is infinitely cuter than Finn." I shrugged in mock-humility.

Rachel blushed as the rest of us started picking out fake dirty-sounding names to go on our screen during the bowling session. Thomas finally made his way over with my shoes and even helped me lace them up. Kurt gave me a wink when he saw my date kneeling at my feet, forehead resting on my knee. I giggled and flirted with Thomas, leaning my head into his shoulder while the others rolled their turns. He kissed my forehead and the back of my neck, and I was content to let him do so.

About halfway through the game, Thomas excused himself. I leaned into the group to hear their thoughts on him. They were uncomfortably silent for a moment, until Tina finally volunteered, "He's very affectionate, isn't he?"

I nodded, my smile beaming. "It's so nice."

"Are you sure you're comfortable with that?" Rachel asked, chewing on her lower lip.

"Obviously," I rolled my eyes at her. "I wouldn't let him kiss me if I didn't like him that much."

Tina wrung her hands nervously. "It's not that. We just worry that you're moving a bit too fast."

"You've been dating for, what, two weeks?" Kurt asked.

"Thereabouts." I replied, crossing my arms. "I can't believe you guys are being so judgmental about this."

"We're not." Kurt sighed, exasperated. "We just don't want you to get hurt or to hurt Thomas. It's never a good situation."

Thankfully, just then, Thomas made his way back over to our alley. He instantly took his place next to me and began nuzzling my shoulder.

Two games and a pizza later, we climbed into his car and he drove me home. He pulled up next to the driveway and turned the car off. Before I could say a word, he lunged at my face. I pushed away. "Thomas, I'm really tired." I protested. "I'm gonna head in."

"But you're so sexy." He mumbled, pulling me in closer.

I pushed away again. "I know that. But it's almost midnight and I have to get up tomorrow morning. Mama needs her beauty rest."

He trailed his hand along my chin. "Baby..." he cooed, and tried to press his lips into mine.

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'm going inside now." I grumbled, opening the door and stepping out. "And I hate being called 'baby.'"

He gave me a look that I think was meant to be alluring, but just looked pathetic. "Just come here and kiss me. Your body is so amazing."

I rolled my eyes. "Do you really think that a cheesy line like that is going to work? Go home, Thomas."

"Please?" He begged.

"No." I slammed the car door and walked home.

He called a few more times after that date, but I was over it. Sure, it was nice to date a guy who thought I was beautiful, but it just got annoying after a while. I saw Thomas once or twice more in that same Starbuck's, but we never spoke or even made eye contact.

* * *

A/N: Guh, this took forever to get out. I'm having problems with pacing lately, what can you do. Anyhow, thanks for all the reviews and comments! Mucho amor to all of you. Don't forget to check out my other stories!


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